broken
by alicelecter
Summary: Set a month after the new TMNT movie. Leo and Raph get into it bad. Raph runs away and makes a suicide attempt. How will this change him? I'm bad at summaries. Just check it out.
1. Chapter 1

I know I'm already working on one TMNT story but I hear 'Broken' by Seether today and all I could think about was Raph while listening to it. It made me wonder what he is really like under all that rebel stuff.

Title : Broken

Rating : PG – 13

Summary : Set a month after the new TMNT movie. Leo and Raph get into it bad. Raph runs away and makes a suicide attempt. How will this change him? I'm bad at summaries. Just check it out.

Raphael wasn't even sure how the fight had started. It was usually that will Leo. Raph was just going to step out for a little training. He knew it was late at ten at night but he had two whole hours before his midnight curfew.

Splinter had slapped a curfew after the events a month ago. It was his punishment for fighting Leo on the roof top and all the other fights he had started with him since he had been back.

"I'll be back in plenty of time for curfew," Raphael growled at his older brother.

"Splinter left me in charge while he is out meditating," Leo explained.

"That is fine and dandy," the other turtle said. "If I'm not back by midnight you can punish me but I'm going."

"Let him go," Don said from his computer. "You are being unreasonable. All Splinter said was that he had to be home by midnight. Aren't you being a little power hungry?"

"If I let him go he won't come back and I'll be in trouble," Leo explained. "I've been in that position with Raph before."

Leo wasn't lying. Whenever Splinter had ever left them alone and with Leo in charge. Raph had always manged to get Leo in trouble.

"You think just because Splinter always leaves you in charge that you're better than me?" Raph screamed. "You are so dumb."

"He leaves me in charge because I'm responsible," Leo said. "He doesn't need your temper getting in the way. No one does."

"Fine," Raph snapped. "I'm out of here and I'm not coming back."

"Yea right," Leo said to Raph's retreating back. "You've said that at least once a month since you were seven!"

"What the hell has gotten into you Leo?" Don asked getting up from his computer. "For once Raph was in the right and you blew up at him."

"He never had plans on coming back," Leo said. "He was going to come back when was damn well ready too. Not when he was supposed to. It is that way every time."

Don shook his head at his older brother and slipped off to his room. He was starting to think all that power was starting to get to Leo's head.

Three hours later Leo sat in the living room staring at the clock. Midnight had come and gone. He had expected Raph to stumble in around one and stomp off to his bedroom. Splinter would be coming home anytime and Leo knew he would have some serious questions to answer.

Splinter liked to go off and medicate some where else in the sewer sometimes late at night. With four teenagers in the house it was often hard to meditate.

Leo jumped to his feet when he heard someone walked in. He sighed when he saw it was his Sensi.

"Is everyone home?" Splinter asked headed for his bedroom.

"Raph is gone," Leo said quickly.

"What happened?" his father asked sensing his son's tension.

"We had a fight," his oldest son explained. "I was unfair. He said he was going and not coming back."

"Wake your brothers," Splinter said at once. "We have to find him. The less time wasted the better. The foot is still out there. It is not safe for him to be alone so late. Search the sewers and the roof tops. I will meditate and see if I can not find him."

Leo rushed to wake Don and Mikey feeling the lowest he had felt in a long time.

Raphael was sitting on a roof top near Casey and April's apartment. His face was in his hands and he was crying heavily. It wasn't like him to cry but once in a while he broke down. He always made sure to never cry in front of his family.

He couldn't believe Leo. Who did he think he was? His brothers always complained that he wasn't responsible but they never gave him a chance. It wasn't fair.

He hated him and he hated himself. He hated the fact he couldn't control his temper. He hated the fact he didn't know how to talk to people. He hated the fact he wasn't as good as his brothers. They all had their talents. Even Mikey. There was no one better on a stake board. What did Raph have? Nothing. Just his temper.

"I wish I were dead," he whispered.

Raph just wanted the pain to end. He pulled one his sias out and looked at the blade. If he took his own life he wouldn't feel anymore pain. Of course he wouldn't feel anything but the pain would gone.

He knew Splinter would be broken if one of them died. He loved them all very much but he would deal with it.

"I guess it has come to this," he said thinking of how he would do it.

The least he could do was do it in a place where his body would be found easy. That would help his father's pain. He looked over at Casey and April's apartment. Their lights were off. He could slip in and slid his wrist without them hearing him. When they woke up in the morning they would find his dead body and alert his family. It sounded like the perfect plan.

He slipped along the roof stops separating him from the apartment. He went through the window and stood in the living room. There wasn't any noise. The place was silent and dark. He walked over to the kitchen and found and pencil and paper sitting next to the stove. On it he wrote :

Dear Family,

I am sorry for all the pain I've caused you all. I've done nothing but get the way my whole life. Leo was right. My temper has done nothing for any of you. I'm sorry I've had problem controlling my temper. I know you said that you loved us all father but I feel I am causing you unneeded stress. I am not the son your deserve.

I am sorry,

Raph

He walked over to the refrigerator and moved a magnet onto the paper. He wanted to make sure the note was found. He wanted his family to have it.

Raph walked over to the couch and sat down pulled out both his sias. He ran the blade up his left wrist before forcing it through his skin. Pain shot through his body as he cut through. The blood began to pour out. He forced himself to do the same to his other wrist.

The world was already starting spin around him. He slipped down off the couch and hit the floor hard. He could hear a phone ringing through all the haze. He wasn't sure how long it rang but finally the answering machine picked up.

"Hello," came Splinter's voice. "It is Splinter. I am calling because Raphael is missing. If you see him please call."

The machine beeped off and he heard a door open. Before his world went totally black he heard April's voice.

"Casey!" she screamed. "Get out here. Raph is hurt!"


	2. Chapter 2

It is eleven thirty as I start to write this. If you look at my profile you'll see I have a daughter. She is a year old and has a lot of ears problem so I'm up a lot at night. If I wake up I'll write because I can't go back to sleep.

Thanks for the reviews. Yea I know the first chapter was short. Sorry 'bout that. I had to cut it short when I was writing it. Glad people liked it. I haven't seen a Raph suicide fic on the Internet. If anyone knows of one please tell me. I love angst.

* * *

The world was still spinning when Raph opened his eyes. His wrist was throbbing with pain. He sighed pushing his face into his pillow. Casey and April must have saved him. He lifted his head when he heard voices. He recognized one as April and the others as Splinter.

"None of my sons have ever done anything this," Splinter said in a worried tone. "I feel so responsible for this. I should have made them work together more. I let Leo and Raph fight their differences out."

"Being a teenager is hard," April explained. "You've tried your best. You've done a damn good job raising those boys by yourself."

Raph felt a wave of guilt hit him. Splinter was blaming himself. How could he have been so stupid? A wave of nausea hit him. He jumped up from the bed and ran into the attached bathroom. He felt sick mentally and physically as he emptied his stomach.

He flushed the toilet and then crawled back into the bed. He couldn't hear anymore talking outside the door anymore. After a few minutes there was a knock on the door. Raph pretended not to hear it.

"Raphael," came his father's voice. "Can I come in?"

"I guess," Raph said.

Raph pushed his face into his pillow when the door opened. He couldn't look at his father. He was too ashamed of himself. Splinter walked over and sat down on the bed.

"I am not angry my son," he said putting a hand on his shell. "I am concerned for you. You've out cold for over thirty hours. Talk to me."

"I'm so sorry," he said as he started to sob.

Splinter rubbed his son's shell as he watched him cry. It was not often that he saw Raphael like that but he knew he had to let him cry it out. After a few minutes passed Raphael got a hold of himself and stopped.

"Your brothers have been very worried," Splinter explained. "Leo has been on pins and needles."

"Leo?" Raph asked.

He was having a hard time believing Leo was worried for him. He never seemed to give a damn.

"Of course," the rat said. "He felt so guilty for what happened. I don't think he has even eaten since we got word about what happened."

"Do they know I'm going to live?" the turtle asked.

"No," he said. "I haven't called them since you woke up. We weren't even sure if you were going to wake up. You lost a lot of blood. I wanted to speak to you before I called them. I want you to know that I'm going to try and work with you boys more. I should have taken more interest in you."

"It wasn't your fought Sensi," Raph said. "I've let my temper take over. I was self centered when I tried to end it all."

"You dealt with it the only way you felt you could," Splinter said standing up. "Everything is going to be alright my son. You need some more rest. When you feel up to it I'll get you some food. I need to call your brothers."

Raphael nodded and closed his eyes. Splinter was barely out of the room before he felt back to sleep.

* * *

Back at the lair Leo was pacing across the living room. Don and Mikey were sitting on the couch watching their brother with concern. He hadn't been himself since they had gotten the call from April. They were all worried that Raph was going to die but Leo was taking it the hardest.

"Relax," Don said. "I'm just as worried about Raph as you are but you need to calm down."

"You don't understand," Leo explained turning to face his brothers. "I was so hard on him. If I had been more fair this wouldn't have happened."

"We just have to hope Raph is going to be ok," Mikey said. "I'm sure Splinter will call us as soon as there is an update. Pointing blame is not going to help anything."

"I guess you're right," Leo admitting sitting down in the recliner.

He had barely sat down before the phone rang. He jumped up and ran over to the phone.

"Hello," he quickly after he picked up the phone.

"Hello Leonardo," Splinter said. "I wanted to call you and tell you Raphael is going to fine. He woke up and was talking."

"That is good news," Leo said letting out a relieved sigh.

"I'm coming home soon," he explained. "I'm not sure when Raphael will be able to come home. He is still in bad shape."

"Alright," the turtle said. "I guess I'll see you in a bit then."

The two said quick goodbye and then Leo hung up the phone.

"Is he alright?" Mikey asked.

"Yes," Leo said smiling. "He is going to be fine. Splinter is coming home soon. He doesn't know when Raph is going to be able to come home. He said that he is still in bad shape."

"He is going to live though," Don said smiling and getting up from the couch. "Come on Leo let's have some pizza."

Raphael was yanked out of his sleep when he rolled onto his wrist. Pain rocked his body. He threw his feet over the edge of the bed and tried to stand up. To his surprise he was able to stand up. He walked to the bedroom and opened it.

He glanced out of the room. Splinter was gone but April was sitting in the living room. He looked away from her. He was ashamed of bringing his shit into her home.

"Raphael," she said in surprise. "You're up."

He heard her walking closing to him. He didn't look up at her.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I'm tired," Raph explained. "And hungry."

Raph looked at her. She was digging through the freezer. She pulled out a frozen pizza. He watched her remove it from the box and slip it into the stove.

"Do you want to talk?" She asked turning her attention to him.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for dragging my problems in here," Raphael explained. "And I wanted to thank you for saving my life."

"It's ok," April said smiling. "I was worried I was going to lose a good friend. Casey was worried as hell. Everyone was pretty worried. You gave us a big scare."

"I know," Raphael said sitting down on the couch. "I'm sorry I scared you all. I just didn't know what to do. I...I was stupid."

"You learned something," she said. "You've learned a lot by doing this. I'm not saying it was a good thing but you need to see the good that came from it."

Raphael nodded looking away from April. He could only hope that the incident would bring him and his brothers closer.

* * *

I would like to make another note that I do at lot of short chapters but I don't like to put too much information in one chapter. I'm going to start working on the next chapter right away and if I get a chance I'll work on a chapter for my other TMNT story. 


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